Sunday, January 23, 2011

Welcome to my blog!

Well, I'm starting a blog. For like the 20th time. Seriously, I have started a bunch of these, done one "Welcome" post and not added anything else. 

I follow quite a few blogs and I have wanted to start my own for some time now. Like seriously start a blog - and actually write more than one post. 

But who wants to read about me? Well, hopefully you do. I'm not doing this for you though. So if that offends you go ahead and leave. I won't care. Sorry for being so rude, but honestly I don't care what you think right now. Heck, for all I know I won't get past this first post anyway  and I'll delete this blog in a month so this will all be gone anyway. Way to start off positive, right?  ;) 

But in all honestly, I'm doing this to help myself. After all isn't that what weight loss is? I'm talking about REAL weight loss not "I want to look hot for my 10th high school reunion" or "I want to make my ex jealous" weight loss. REAL weight loss. That's why I'm doing this. My 10 year reunion is long over and I'm not going to my 20 year one, and I don't have an ex to make jealous. I'm doing this for ME. I'm doing this for my husband and kids too, but mainly for myself. 

I'm sick of being FAT. I'm sick of feeling fat. I'm sick of looking fat. I've been "doing" this for a long time now. My "baby" will be two very soon and the fact that I seriously look like I'm 10 months pregnant is sickening. I'm tired of the excuses. I'm tired of shuddering when I look in the mirror. I'm tired of all the great clothes I have in my closet in bins because they don't fit me. I'm tired of things being tight on me. I'm tired of getting out of breath when I bring my (almost) two year old up a flight of stairs. I'm tired of not being able to run around with my older child like my husband does because I'm worn out too quickly. I'm tired of being the one to take all the pictures because I hate the way my face looks (let alone my body) when I'm IN one of the photos. I'm tired of living on the side-lines of my life. I'm tired of starting something and not finishing it. I'm TIRED! Honestly, I'm tired all the time and the stress of my life is getting to me. I know the extra weight is not helping me. 

Today after bringing my youngest upstairs for her nap I laid on my bed for a moment. I could feel my heart pounding deeply in my chest. I don't think that's a good thing. I walked up one flight of stairs with a small child - not a 50 pound bag of something. Time to change. Now. Not looking back. Not this time. Doing this for my kids - so I can be here for them - for a LONG time. For my husband - so he can be proud to be next to me - so we can live a great life when we retire (early, hopefully!). For ME. For so many reasons. For no special reason other than I'm worth it and I owe this to myself. I want to keep living my life. It's stressful and sometimes I wish I could escape it, but who am I kidding, I would die without my husband and kids. I want to be in my life and LIVE it. 

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