Friday, January 28, 2011

Sometimes I just wanna be OK with being fat...

Sometimes I think I'll be fat forever and I need to just accept that. I know my husband loves me at any weight - I am too damn lucky. I have begged him to not let me get to 300 pounds. I told him to never let me become one of those people on the motorized carts at Walmart that is bulging over the edges of the seat. Some times I think I should just be happy and fat. But I don't want to be, I have too many reasons to lose this weight for good.

What's wrong with me? I get all gung-ho on this new lifestyle thing and then three days into I throw it all away. It's either starting over the next week or the next month - I'm constantly re-starting. I'm always saying, "I'll start again on Monday".

Wednesday was a rough afternoon so my hubby got Arbys for dinner. I didn't do too bad though - honestly. I was feeling guilty about it which I think is good - at least I realize I shouldn't be doing it, right? Yesterday afternoon was not much better. I did get my walk in during the little one's nap time so that was good. But I'm having a rough time with my older child - just a lot of things we need to work on with her. I let the stress of the kids get to me. I eat. I give up. I cave in. So again when my hubby got home I was like, "let's get food!", because yes in my world that solves all my problems - at least for a half an hour or so....

It's not good for our health, and it's not good for our budget either. So we need to stop this. NOW!

So tonight I will make dinner with the chicken I intended to make on Wednesday night. I am going to make a mac n' cheese soup with vegetables to go along with it. I think it will help with the cold I am battling right now, and I'm hoping my youngest will eat it too. I know the oldest won't - there's no hope for that. It's not entirely healthy, but it's not horrible either. I'm not counting calories or anything right now. I'm going to give good choices eating a month or so and if it doesn't work then I'll start journaling my food and really looking at stats. For now I am just focusing on trying to eat less, make better choices, and walking four times a week. We will see how that goes and then go from there. It's not a race. I don't have an event or a special party to go - no dress I have to fit into. Maybe that's a bad thing though - I don't have a time-frame for my goal. I wonder if I should have one. I have no followers (yet - hopefully I will soon!) so I can't ask for advice on that one.


  1. Oh my goodness! You have read my thoughts! There are days when I'm like, "Why can't I be ok being heavy? As long as I'm healthy otherwise, why can't I be okay with it?" Ugh. I'm having one of those days today.

    Welcome to the blogging world of weight loss! (Looks like you just started blogging recently, right? :) ) I'll catch up with your other posts soon!!

  2. Thank you for the comment. Yes, I'm very new to blogging - hoping it will help me finally do this (weight loss) thing for good.

    Thanks for following me!

  3. Hey there! I look forward to following you too! Losing weight can be such a mental thing, you have to be really motivated. I suggest making a long list of reasons you want to lose the weight, even if they are silly or superficial, and then keep looking at it when you aren't feeling as gungho. Also, as far as a timeline, I would set small goals, maybe weekly or monthly.