Wednesday, July 27, 2011

New Blog

I'm trying a new blog since I haven't done anything with this one in a long time. I also haven't done anything with the my weight - except adding to it.  :(

If you would like to follow me on my (new) journey here's the link to my new blog. I will probably just delete this one in a week or so.

I am following all of my followers under my new account.

Over my Weight

Friday, March 4, 2011

First Week on NS

I did it! I stuck with it for a week - and it was hard. 
This morning the scale showed a 5.6 pounds loss. I had gotten myself back up to 221 so I'm down to 215.4. I didn't have the camera upstairs and didn't really feel like running downstairs in my birthday suit to get it. 

I am really proud of myself. It was a challenge for me - I wanted to throw in the towel. I am so glad my husband did not give in and let us order food the two nights I wanted to. He helped me stay strong. I also walked three times for 30 minutes and I feel great! 

I am so ready to do this. I really needed this good loss. I feel like I am finally on the path to a better me. 

Saturday, February 19, 2011

I fell off the wagon and it ran over me...

Well, I got side-lined. I'm not at all surprised - this happens all the time for me lately. We've all been battling colds and I used that as an excuse to just stop trying...

My older sister and brother and I share the same metabolism - so we all are all overweight. My brother is losing weight and my sister is too. She recently told me that she is under 200 pounds and doing really well. I'm really proud of her, but I was jealous too. If they can do this why the heck can't I? 

<Insert loud sigh here.>

Today I ordered the NutriSystem program. I've used it before and done very well on it when I stuck with it. I committed quite a nice chunk of change to this so I WILL do it this time. I'm not doing it at as long-term thing mainly a few months so I can jump start something. I really need to see some results in order to get on board with something. Losing one pound a week when I try really hard is doing nothing for me and then I just give up. I need something. A miracle perhaps. I do know fully well that this is not going to be a magic fix - I know that if I can drop 20 pounds in a few months that I still have a long way to go and I will do it the right way (the long-term way) of eating healthy, smaller portions and working out on a regular basis. 

So my food should be coming next week - perhaps Thursday. I will start the very next day regardless of what day of the week it is. Getting it all out of my system before I turn this around (hopefully) for good. 

The only thing that "worries" me is that March and April are completely busy months for us - lots of birthdays, parties, etc. So I just need to plan ahead and if I am out I'll eat something small and not stress about it. I can easily share a piece of cake with my husband or daughters, I don't have to eat an entire piece myself - or an entire cake for that matter.

I WILL do this! I really have to. 

Wednesday, February 16, 2011


I've been MIA for a while... sorry.

My husband, both girls, and I have been tossing around a cold for over two weeks. Thinking I had finally kicked this for good I woke up with a sore throat and headache (again!). I'm so sick of being sick - I cannot wait for spring!

I promise to post soon. Sadly my weight loss update is more of a gain update, but I think I have a plan. I will be back soon. Thanks for sticking with me.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Weigh-In #1: What I have gained

Well, I gained one pound for my first week of blogging through my weight loss. I am totally OK with it though. I am honestly relieved I didn't gain more. I know exactly what I did wrong. I'm working on changing it, and hopefully a week from today I will lose that pound (and more!).

Today I kept thinking about the goals of mine and this thing in my mind of having a goal outfit or something. I mean I seriously have bins of clothes that I would love to fit into someday. I have goal outfits - lots of them. But in early May my husband and I are going to go out to dinner for our anniversary. We don't go out to dinner much at all. We don't go out with our girls because it's too hectic. The last time we went out for dinner (just the two of us) was for my 30th birthday and I will be 33 in April - so I think we're due. I am really excited about this! I am hoping my hubby will be up for getting "dressed up" at least a little - he doesn't have to wear a suit, but a nice dress shirt would be good. I  am going to go through my closet and pick out one of my dresses that I would like wear on that date.  I am going to hang it up in a good spot so I can see it every day - that kinda stuff motivates me. I have (slightly more than) three months to get into something.

Last night I mentioned the whole wedding dress thing to my husband and he disagreed with me - he thinks our oldest would be shocked to see me in my dress. I'm going to try for it. Either she will think I look like a princess or she will have no reaction - but I want to see which one it is, and you know what, I will!! 

Sunday, January 30, 2011

I have followers! Two of them!

Hello to my two followers. Thank you for reading my blog. I really hope you can inspire me because lately I am just stuck. This weekend was filled with lots of hard work but no working out. I had intended to walk on the treadmill again this weekend and I didn't do it. I did clean the whole house on Saturday though, does that count? I also listed a ton of stuff on Ebay in our store - but that was basically me sitting on my butt.

Quite a few times this weekend my body ached. I know it's the weight. I get it. Lose the weight, you'll feel better, you'll look better, you'll have better self esteem, you'll fit into all that clothes you own (all that cute stuff!), you'll be healthier. Should I keep going?! Nah.... I know this stuff. I feel it all the time. I feel it every single time I over-eat or I run around with my kids and I get out of breath, or I tell my four year old that I can't pick her up and dance with her because she is too heavy for me. Well, if I lost all this damn weight I could carry her around.

I just don't know why I can't do this. Maybe it's because I went for a physical in December and all my blood tests came back OK. When the nurse called with my results she said, and I quote, "the doctor said to keep doing what you're doing, you're doing great!". Ummm... really? I'm obese! How is that great? I did tell the doctor that I was doing Weight Watchers (because I was at the time), and she said that was "great". So maybe that is what the nurse meant when she said to keep doing the same thing - "keep losing the weight, dummy, don't GAIN it!.

I can't keep coming up with excuses. Nothing tastes as good as thin feels. It's true! I've been there. I was a size 12 and I loved it! Heck, I would settle for being a size 14 now. I figure after having two kids a size 14 would be something to be proud of. I want to have a neck. I want to have one chin. I want to not look like I am pregnant. I want to be pretty. Confession, I want to fit into my wedding dress again. Not because I will wear it anywhere (maybe grocery shopping like that chick in the Progresso Soup commercial - ha!), but I want to put it on and I want to show it to my daughters and see what they think of it. They probably won't be impressed though. haha!! Seriously if you knew my girls you would laugh out loud at that because my oldest would probably not have any reaction at all. But I would. Maybe that's what I should focus on. Should that be my "goal dress"? The outfit I have to wear? For grocery shopping for Christmas dinner?  ;)

Friday, January 28, 2011

Sometimes I just wanna be OK with being fat...

Sometimes I think I'll be fat forever and I need to just accept that. I know my husband loves me at any weight - I am too damn lucky. I have begged him to not let me get to 300 pounds. I told him to never let me become one of those people on the motorized carts at Walmart that is bulging over the edges of the seat. Some times I think I should just be happy and fat. But I don't want to be, I have too many reasons to lose this weight for good.

What's wrong with me? I get all gung-ho on this new lifestyle thing and then three days into I throw it all away. It's either starting over the next week or the next month - I'm constantly re-starting. I'm always saying, "I'll start again on Monday".

Wednesday was a rough afternoon so my hubby got Arbys for dinner. I didn't do too bad though - honestly. I was feeling guilty about it which I think is good - at least I realize I shouldn't be doing it, right? Yesterday afternoon was not much better. I did get my walk in during the little one's nap time so that was good. But I'm having a rough time with my older child - just a lot of things we need to work on with her. I let the stress of the kids get to me. I eat. I give up. I cave in. So again when my hubby got home I was like, "let's get food!", because yes in my world that solves all my problems - at least for a half an hour or so....

It's not good for our health, and it's not good for our budget either. So we need to stop this. NOW!

So tonight I will make dinner with the chicken I intended to make on Wednesday night. I am going to make a mac n' cheese soup with vegetables to go along with it. I think it will help with the cold I am battling right now, and I'm hoping my youngest will eat it too. I know the oldest won't - there's no hope for that. It's not entirely healthy, but it's not horrible either. I'm not counting calories or anything right now. I'm going to give good choices eating a month or so and if it doesn't work then I'll start journaling my food and really looking at stats. For now I am just focusing on trying to eat less, make better choices, and walking four times a week. We will see how that goes and then go from there. It's not a race. I don't have an event or a special party to go - no dress I have to fit into. Maybe that's a bad thing though - I don't have a time-frame for my goal. I wonder if I should have one. I have no followers (yet - hopefully I will soon!) so I can't ask for advice on that one.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Goals, Rewards, and More Reflections

I've decided that I want to reward myself with two goal milestones. I have had my final goal weight reward picked out for quite sometime now. I am going to get my second tattoo when I reach 180 pounds. 

Yesterday I found an old photo from a magazine with a super cute haircut. When I reach 190 pounds I am going to get my hair cut. I'm really excited about it because I'm not happy with how my hair looks right now. It's not a huge change, but I'm thinking that when I have lost 25 pounds that my face will be slimmer and a slight hairstyle change will really look great. 

I walked on the treadmill again today and I felt great! I kept thinking about 40 inches. I'm doing this, I will make it happen this time. I'm feeling good about my food choices too - but I need to get more fruits and veggies (especially salads) during our next shopping trip. 

Tonight I posted my beginning photos in my Progress Photos section. The side profile is quite scary. The clothes hides more stuff, but I seriously look hugely pregnant in that picture. :(  I'm not frowning because I am sad I'm not pregnant (I don't want to go there again... at all!), but I'm frowning because I'm sad I look pregnant and the kid is almost two. Toddler weight isn't so cute as baby weight is.... Oh well.... No more looking back, only forward.  

Monday, January 24, 2011

Day One - Motivation

Well, its almost bedtime and I survived day one of my "diet". Not too sure if I want to call this a diet. Lifestyle. Hmmm... I'll have to give that one some thought. How about me doing two blog posts too? Go me!

I think I did pretty well today. I had a few more snacks that I would have liked this afternoon but it was because I didn't have a big enough lunch. I need to get some more fruits and veggies. I love big salads, so I need to stock up next time we get groceries. 

I was also excited to get in my workout while my oldest was at school and my youngest was napping. I'm going to shoot for walking on the treadmill (my escape) for 30 minutes four times a week. I would like to work up to 45 minutes, but for the first month or so I will be good with 30 minutes. It's a hell of a lot more than I have been doing lately, so it's an improvement. I love my treadmill, it's like therapy for me. I have been craving it again, so I'm glad to be back. Let's just hope this sticks. 

I found a great motivator for myself this afternoon. It's something that shocked me. Made me feel really angry, and fueled me to DO THIS! 

I'm big on pictures and measurements to motivate myself. And not just "oh, I saw a picture of myself at a backyard BBQ and I looked like a house" pictures, I'm talking profile, side-view, and rear-view pictures of me in my undergarments. OK, if that isn't enough to scare anyone away what is? Stick with me, it gets worse. I took all my measurements, and put them into an Excel spreadsheet my IT loving husband made for me. I found a notebook to write out my food log and in this old notebook was a list of my measurements when I was at my smallest adult weight (160 - this is my drivers license weight, by the way - the size I was when I met my husband, my wedding weight - the size I don't think I will ever get back to, and honestly for the first time in about five years I am OK with that - honestly!). So I decided to plug in these "smallest" measurements along side my current measurements. I'm looking at the numbers thinking, "wow, look at those differences....". So I did this cool little formula thing to find out just how different the measurements were. Ummm, 11.5 inches different in my waist?!?! But the total difference in inches (all over), now that's the shocker.

40". Let me say that again, F-O-U-R-T-Y inches. How did I let myself go like that? Sigh... never again, right? Right. Damn right! 

40 inches is my mantra now. I'm doing this. I might not get back all 40 of those inches, but I'm going to get as many as possible. 

With that being said, here is weigh-in number one. The first of many. It can only get better from here.  :) 

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Welcome to my blog!

Well, I'm starting a blog. For like the 20th time. Seriously, I have started a bunch of these, done one "Welcome" post and not added anything else. 

I follow quite a few blogs and I have wanted to start my own for some time now. Like seriously start a blog - and actually write more than one post. 

But who wants to read about me? Well, hopefully you do. I'm not doing this for you though. So if that offends you go ahead and leave. I won't care. Sorry for being so rude, but honestly I don't care what you think right now. Heck, for all I know I won't get past this first post anyway  and I'll delete this blog in a month so this will all be gone anyway. Way to start off positive, right?  ;) 

But in all honestly, I'm doing this to help myself. After all isn't that what weight loss is? I'm talking about REAL weight loss not "I want to look hot for my 10th high school reunion" or "I want to make my ex jealous" weight loss. REAL weight loss. That's why I'm doing this. My 10 year reunion is long over and I'm not going to my 20 year one, and I don't have an ex to make jealous. I'm doing this for ME. I'm doing this for my husband and kids too, but mainly for myself. 

I'm sick of being FAT. I'm sick of feeling fat. I'm sick of looking fat. I've been "doing" this for a long time now. My "baby" will be two very soon and the fact that I seriously look like I'm 10 months pregnant is sickening. I'm tired of the excuses. I'm tired of shuddering when I look in the mirror. I'm tired of all the great clothes I have in my closet in bins because they don't fit me. I'm tired of things being tight on me. I'm tired of getting out of breath when I bring my (almost) two year old up a flight of stairs. I'm tired of not being able to run around with my older child like my husband does because I'm worn out too quickly. I'm tired of being the one to take all the pictures because I hate the way my face looks (let alone my body) when I'm IN one of the photos. I'm tired of living on the side-lines of my life. I'm tired of starting something and not finishing it. I'm TIRED! Honestly, I'm tired all the time and the stress of my life is getting to me. I know the extra weight is not helping me. 

Today after bringing my youngest upstairs for her nap I laid on my bed for a moment. I could feel my heart pounding deeply in my chest. I don't think that's a good thing. I walked up one flight of stairs with a small child - not a 50 pound bag of something. Time to change. Now. Not looking back. Not this time. Doing this for my kids - so I can be here for them - for a LONG time. For my husband - so he can be proud to be next to me - so we can live a great life when we retire (early, hopefully!). For ME. For so many reasons. For no special reason other than I'm worth it and I owe this to myself. I want to keep living my life. It's stressful and sometimes I wish I could escape it, but who am I kidding, I would die without my husband and kids. I want to be in my life and LIVE it.