Sometimes I just wanna be OK with being fat...

Sometimes I think I'll be fat forever and I need to just accept that. I know my husband loves me at any weight - I am too damn lucky. I have begged him to not let me get to 300 pounds. I told him to never let me become one of those people on the motorized carts at Walmart that is bulging over the edges of the seat. Some times I think I should just be happy and fat. But I don't want to be, I have too many reasons to lose this weight for good.

What's wrong with me? I get all gung-ho on this new lifestyle thing and then three days into I throw it all away. It's either starting over the next week or the next month - I'm constantly re-starting. I'm always saying, "I'll start again on Monday".

Wednesday was a rough afternoon so my hubby got Arbys for dinner. I didn't do too bad though - honestly. I was feeling guilty about it which I think is good - at least I realize I shouldn't be doing it, right? Yesterday afternoon was not much better. I did get my walk in during the little one's nap time so that was good. But I'm having a rough time with my older child - just a lot of things we need to work on with her. I let the stress of the kids get to me. I eat. I give up. I cave in. So again when my hubby got home I was like, "let's get food!", because yes in my world that solves all my problems - at least for a half an hour or so....

It's not good for our health, and it's not good for our budget either. So we need to stop this. NOW!

So tonight I will make dinner with the chicken I intended to make on Wednesday night. I am going to make a mac n' cheese soup with vegetables to go along with it. I think it will help with the cold I am battling right now, and I'm hoping my youngest will eat it too. I know the oldest won't - there's no hope for that. It's not entirely healthy, but it's not horrible either. I'm not counting calories or anything right now. I'm going to give good choices eating a month or so and if it doesn't work then I'll start journaling my food and really looking at stats. For now I am just focusing on trying to eat less, make better choices, and walking four times a week. We will see how that goes and then go from there. It's not a race. I don't have an event or a special party to go - no dress I have to fit into. Maybe that's a bad thing though - I don't have a time-frame for my goal. I wonder if I should have one. I have no followers (yet - hopefully I will soon!) so I can't ask for advice on that one.